


Dorks Night Out: A Shopping Trip

by GuileandGall



Series: Free To Be [6]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: Banter, Canon-Typical Violence, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1745720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuileandGall/pseuds/GuileandGall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny is concerned about Aisha's upcoming birthday and turns to Remy for suggestions. Dexter has a better suggestion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dorks Night Out: A Shopping Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Chy as always for encouragement and suggestions.

**Dorks Night Out: Shopping**

**-1-**

The morning had been quiet. But after the rowdy day prior, Remy did not mind the momentary quiet. With her feet propped on Johnny's desk, she rocked the rickety chair back and forth as she turned the pages quickly in the book she had pulled off one of the shelves. There were pages missing, making the text a little hard to follow, but it was something to do.

Johnny had been rambling for the last twenty minutes. The basic gist, she got, he was worried about something, though she was not sure why Johnny was jumping from topic to topic like something was biting him.

"'Cause you're a chick, right?"

Remy glanced up from the book propped on her thighs.  _This is going to be good_ , she thought. Closing it and tossing it on the desk, she let the chair's legs clap back to the ground.

"General consensus would suggest yes, but some say the jury is still out," she replied. "Why?"

"Eash's birthday is in a few days. I can't figure out what to get her."

Remy shrugged. "I dunno man. Something frivolous or practical?"

She had known Aisha as long as he had; they all grew up in the section of Stilwater that made up Mission Beach. The singer kind of accidentally fell into their group when Remy was about twelve, even back than Aisha had a thing for Johnny. McGinnis knew more about Gat's popularity than she wanted to because once people figured out she was just his friend, she suddenly became an accessible conduit.

"She has a lot of shoes," he said absently. The question written all over his face.

Remy winced. "Why not get her something she can use? Take her shooting or something."

"Tried that. The bugs got to her."

"Isn't there an indoor range up on the north side somewhere? That should solve that problem."

"Guns kind of freak her out."

McGinnis tried to wrap her head around that one. "And she's dating you. Go fucking figure."

"I don't keep them at her place."

"And what happens when she stays over?"

Johnny shrugged. "We tend to just go to her place."

"Get yourself a refrigerator then she won't know."

"Until she opens it looking for a beer and screams like a mouse just ran up her skirt."

Remy shrugged again. "How is she with knives?"

The smile bloomed on Johnny's face. " _You_  are a fucking genius. Let's go."

 

**-2-**

"I swear you two and the damn knives," Dex said, leaning against the counter next to Remy.

She looked over at him and smirked. "My daddy always said it was more polite to give a man the respect of killing him up close and personal."

"Yeah, well, your daddy was a stone psycho. That man always creeped me out."

Remy bumped his shoulder with hers. "There were good reasons for his special brand of crazy. You know that."

There was a note of solemnity in her tone that was not lost on Jackson. "I thought we were going to do something, other than get Johnny all hot and bothered over sharp and pointy things."

Gat leaned forward brandishing the blade he had been studying in his friend's direction. "You keep running your mouth and I'll carve my name in your ass."

"Right after you take these eight inches," Dex taunted, grabbing himself.

"Strap 'em on and we'll dance, Mandingo."

Remy moved slightly, leaning over the counter. "Excuse me, sir, do you have a measuring tape back there somewhere?"

The man glared at her, but it did the trick her idiots were laughing instead of threatening to mushroom stamp one another in the middle of the store.

"Is this the one or not?"Remy asked, looking at the rainbow colored pocket knife. She actually liked the look of the anodized coating on the blades and handles of these weapons.

"I don't know," Johnny waffled. "You don't think it's too big."

She cocked an eyebrow at him as she took the knife from him. "I don't know. If your stories are even half true I figure Aisha'd be used to something sizeable in her hands."

Dex rolled his eyes. Johnny just chuckled.

"It feels fine to me," Remy said, taking the knife and turning it in her hands.

"You're seriously buying your girl a knife for her birthday?" Dex asked, turning and resting his hip against the glass.

"Yeah," Gat replied like it was the stupidest question he had ever heard.

"Girls aren't into that shit."

Remy raised her hand.

"Yeah, and tits do not make you a girl," Dex told her.

When she pulled at her waistband and looked down the front of her own jeans she glanced back up at him with a question.

"You're just… fuck I don't know what you are. But 'girl' ain't it. You own three pairs of the exact same boots all in black. I don't think you have ever cried at a movie, unless it was from laughter. And plus you're really just Johnny, only prettier."

"I thought you were the smart one and I was the pretty one," Johnny muttered toward her shoulder.

"Which must make me the crazy one for hanging out with your two," Dex concluded.

"Aww, Johnny," Remy chided with a big grin as she laid her hands over her heart. Dex groaned when she batted her eyelashes at him. "I think he lurvs us." She sniffled once and touched her knuckle to her cheek.

"Fucking whack job."

"Nah, I think it's just you," Gat opined, before tilting his head at Dex. "Then what do you suggest, oh great and single chick whisperer?"

"Fuck you, Johnny!"

"No, I'm serious. I fuck this up and Eash will pout at me for a week, and that's if I'm lucky."

"Well… jewelry, always works," Dex noted, raising a finger before Gat could even open his mouth, "and not that crap from Bling Bling. Real fucking jewelry. Don't get all cheap and banger. You been with this girl since junior year. Put a little effort into it. And we both know you can afford it."

Johnny actually looked like he was considering the suggestion. He glanced over at Remy who shrugged. "All right, so that means we're headed downtown, right? I'll drive."

"Fuck no," Remy replied as the trio walked out of Brass Knuckles. "You drive worse than your Grams."

"What are you complaining about? You get to have my hands between your knees," Johnny retorted with a wicked smirk.

Remy punched him in the kidney hard enough to make him curl toward her in response. "Keep your wet dreams to yourself Gat. I'll just sit in Dex's lap."

"The fuck you will. This is my goddamn car. And _I'm_ driving, thank you both very much," Dex said, sliding into the driver's seat.

"Shit!" Johnny stopped by the other door.

"You bring something to do? Because the way he drives, we'll never get there," Remy said.

After pulling the door open and stepping on the passenger seat, Remy perched on the console and propped her boots on the dash until Gat slid into the car. Then he got the privilege of a pair of combat boots between his knees. When he cocked an eyebrow up at her, she cackled.

"Don't look so worried. I won't take advantage, but I'd watch the sass," she chided, tapping the toe of her boot against his inner thigh.

With that, he grabbed her ankles and laid her feet over his far leg, peeking over the rim of his sunglasses. "Fuck! That!"

Dex laughed as he started the car. "That's like telling his dumbass to stop breathing."

"Shit. That'd be easier," Gat noted.

 

**-3-**

Remy growled at him. "Oh just spread your legs," she said pushing him back against the seat and wrenching his knees apart. "I'm the better shot anyway."

"Damnit, you little leprechaun from hell," Johnny mumbled as she knelt between his legs. He tucked his gun in his waistband quickly and grabbed her waist so she would not have to try and balance herself on the headrest, too.

"I swear I really need to find a better class of friends," Dex lectured from the driver's seat.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times have we heard this shit, Rem?" Gat chuckled.

"You mean since I got back, or since we met him?" The shooter asked as she changed clips.

"Oh, let's be fair. Just since you got home."

"Fuck you both." Dex slid through a turn and Remy almost tumbled into the driver's lap.

"Damn Dex, drive much?" she retorted.

He glared up at her for a second. "Damn Mac, shoot much?"

"Eat me."

"Hey, now. Save your flirting for later," Johnny interrupted. When she righted herself, more swerving had one of her knees inching forward. "Remy, you know I love you but, you get any closer and we might not be friends much longer."

"Oh, suck it up. You'd make a good falsetto."

"Girl, don't think I won't throw you out of this car myself."

Dex groaned. "Could you get those guys off our ass please?"

"I'm trying," Remy replied through gritted teeth.

Johnny really did not quite know what was happening behind them, which normally would set him on edge. The only thing that kept that at bay is that Remy was right, she was a better shot--always had been. He preferred to chalk it up to time. Her father started teaching her after her mother died. Johnny's first lesson with the McGinnis clan had not come until he was ten; she had been eight at the time. He, also, in terms of sheer amount of time and number of rounds shot, knew that she severely surpassed him, which made her about the only person he would sit still for in this type of situation.

"What are you carrying? A nine?" she asked as she sat back on her heels and reloaded her gun.

"You must be joking," Johnny replied with a smirk as he tugged the weapon out of his waistband.

Remy laughed and tilted her head slightly. "Only you would carry a cannon in your pants."

"I'm so used to it I hardly even notice."

Remy rolled her eyes as she knelt, training her friend's GDHC .50 at the front end of the cruiser chasing them. Two well placed shots and she had the vehicle disabled. "Okay, so maybe I'm glad you over compensate," she chided as she sat back again, leaning her back against the dashboard while still kneeling on his seat.

"It's not over compensating when it's true, Lucky."

"What did I tell you about calling me after that goddamn cereal toon?"

"Don't get your purple horseshoe all in a twist," Johnny replied, taking his gun out of her hands. Even if the safety was on, a gun between his legs in anyone's control but his was an off putting proposition.

"What the hell were you two thinking back there?" Dex grumbled as he slowed down and veered onto a thin side street to try and avoid any more cops.

"What?" Remy shrugged innocently as she picked up her Vice from the console. She leaned up and looked behind them again; satisfied they weren't being followed again, yet she turned and dropped onto Johnny's thigh.

"What, my ass?" Dex said. "You know damn well _what_? Were you just bored?"

"Kind of," she said lifting her shoulder. "It would have been fine if you would not have gone all nervous Nelly and fallen into that damn display case."

"You broke into the place."

"It was closed."

Dex sighed. "We could have come back."

"Are you serious?" Remy rested her back against the door and looked at Johnny. "Who the fuck is this guy and what the hell did he do with Dex?"

Gat just laughed.

"Hey! I have enough people breathing down my neck I don't need to add random fucking berries to the list."

"He's kind of paranoid isn't he?" Remy said, leaning toward Johnny as the pair of them eyed the driver.

"Screw you, Rem."

She stuck her tongue out and tapped his knee with the toe of her boot.

"Girl!"

"Hey you offered," she cooed before she stuck her tongue out at him. "Besides you're not tall enough to ride this ride."

Both of her friends laughed. "Says our own resident leprechaun," Gat quipped.

The petite blonde punched Johnny in the shoulder she was not currently leaning against. "You should really think before you speak, especially when a woman with a gun is in your lap, silly badger."

Dex sputtered. "I fucking told you, man."

Johnny glared up at her.

"I mean it's funny as hell," Remy offered, as she teased as some of the frosted spiky tips of his naturally jet black hair. "You mean you let him do this, Dex?"

"Yeah, like I could keep either of you from doing anything. And he did not consult me before."

"Your stylist must hate you or something, Gat."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her arm from around his neck, setting her hand in her own lap none too gently. His glare was prominent and lowered his brow.

"Oh, I think I must have hurt his little badger feelings," Remy said playfully.

Dex chuckled, shaking his head and leaning toward his door. Once or twice a few of the guys had braved up and made that statement--Johnny's response had nipped those types of comments in the bud rather quickly. Difference this go around lay in the identity of the person taunting him.

"Hey Dex!" she called, leaning against and pressing her hand on the console when she pointed out the convenience store. "If you stop, I bet we can get him some honey… sweeten his mood." She glanced at Johnny over her shoulder with a teasing wink.

His response was calculated. His hands on her ribs resulted in a sharp chirp as she slipped off his leg, but there was no place to go. She was trapped in the front seat of the tiny convertible with the pair of them. When she launched herself toward the console, her shoulder connected with Dex's and made him swerve.

"You two idiots are going to kill us all. First the damn cops, now your antics. Keep your foreplay on that side of the damn car," Dex scolded with a growl, pushing McGinnis toward the passenger side.

Remy bit down on a laugh as Johnny pulled her back over to his side of the car.

"He is very uptight," McGinnis said with bright eyes.

Johnny nodded his agreement. "We should see if we can't get him laid."

Dex shot a quick glare to the passenger seat.

"It could do wonders for your disposition, Dex."

"Rem."

With a petulant sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest and settled back against her friend. She set her mouth to Johnny's ear. "What the fuck did you do to him while I was gone?"

Gat's eyes shifted from the road to the driver for a moment then he turned to the blonde whose head was propped against his shoulder as she stared at the inky black haze in the sky. "Let's just say the last two years have been a bit fucked. But it's not mine to tell. You know the deal."

She nodded against his shoulder, eyes still turned upward. Remy knew the score. And if she found out about, it would be from Dex, not Johnny. They both knew how to keep a confidence; after all they had been keeping one another's for more than ten years.


End file.
